


Redemption

by romanticalgirl



Series: Sins and Lies [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 2000</p>
    </blockquote>





	Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2000

He sat on the bench outside, staring very deliberately at nothing. What had he just done? Okay, make Willow's life easier. That was a good thing. She deserved happiness.

Why couldn't things be simpler? When they were kids, they'd both been happy at the same time, no problem. Now, apparently, it was an either/or situation.

He sensed her behind him and cursed at himself. Why had he stopped? Stopping hadn't alleviated the horrible ache he felt. Why had he stopped running?

"Alexander LaVelle Harris!"

Oh yeah. Because he'd hoped like hell she'd come after him.

"Willow, what are you doing?"

She walked in front of him and glared. Hands on her hips and angry, she reminded him of being a kid again. He'd been subjected to such a stance whenever one of her Barbies had shown up oddly mutilated.

"How dare you!"

"How dare I what? Apologize to your boyfriend for getting you involved in a relationship?"

"How dare you try to take the blame for all of this."

"C'mon Will, be honest. I used what you've felt for me against you. I put you in a situation where something you'd wanted for a long time was in your reach."

"First of all, thank you for your obviously high opinion of your irresistibility. Secondly, do you believe and expect anyone else to believe that I did nothing? None of it was my fault?"

"I took advantage of you Willow. And I'm really sorry."

"No." She sat next to him on the bench. "Xander, I got over my crush on you. I couldn't have gone out with Oz otherwise. That first kiss - everything - that was both of us. I'm not going to take the easy way out. That wouldn't be fair to you or Oz or Cordelia or me."

"Willow…"

"No. You shush." She took his hand and squeezed it. "You're my best friend. Always have been. Always will be. And I love you. I'm not quite sure what that all means right now, but I do."

"It's not gonna work, Will. Loving us both." He tried to remove his hand from hers, but she refused to let him. "Besides, you're going to be going away to college soon. Leaving me behind. He's as smart as you. You could be at MIT together, plotting to take over the world."

She smiled. "And because Oz is Mr. Ambition you think this, right?"

"It's not about Oz, Willow."

"You're right." She tilted her head slightly and looked directly into his eyes. "Why do you think we kissed Xander? Honestly?"

He tried to look away, but she wouldn't let him. "It all came crashing down on me. Who you are. What you are. What you mean to me. It was all there in your eyes." He blushed, looking down at the ground. "It was overwhelming."

"And afterwards?"

"I couldn't see you as good old Willow any more. It's like my friend had been replaced by this amazing young woman. But it wasn't like you were someone new so much as someone…more?"

Willow sat silent for a moment, staring at their joined hands. "Do you really love me Xander? Past the guilt and the friendship? Or do you just love me like your old buddy Willow?"

"If I knew, this would be easy. I know what would make things right, but I don't know if that's the truth. I don't know what's right anymore." He sighed. "What about you?"

"Well…Oz. I love Oz. And I wish that he could look at me without this terrible hurt in his eyes. And I don't know how to fix things so that happens. But making things right, or at least okay, with him is my first priority. Then I'll know where things stand with him."

"I've never hurt anybody like that Xander. I never thought I could. So I have to get that put straight before I look at anything else."

"So where does that leave us?"

"There can't be an us right now. Because if I look at you like that, all I see is them."

"And our friendship? Another casualty of war?"

"No!" She shook her head vehemently. "Your friendship has been the most important relationship in my life. Ever. You're part of who I am, Xander."

"It can't be the same, Willow."

"But I'm not willing to just let it go!" She stood up, angry. "If I sacrifice this friendship for a chance with Oz, I'll end up resenting him for it. The opposite is true too. I realize it's not going to be easy."

"It'll be a tug of war."

They both turned to look at Oz. He was leaning against a nearby tree. Xander guessed he'd been there the whole time. He knew Willow was smart. "He's right, Willow."

"I don't care. I love you both. As friends and…. more. Yes, somebody is going to get hurt. Probably me. Probably all of us. But I'd rather take a life of feeling than the horrible emptiness that I've been carrying around since this happened." She looked from one to the other, her eyes imploring. "I'm not asking for miracles here. Just maybe we can be friends again?"

Oz moved closer. "It's kind of hard to go back, baby."

She looked at him for a long time before nodding. Xander marveled at the expressiveness of her eyes. "I know." She cast a quick, ironic smile at Xander. "Believe me. But I think it's the only choice we have other than walking away and not looking back."

Silence reigned as they all thought about Cordelia.

Xander stood and faced Oz. He'd started this; he'd finish it. "I'm sorry. Probably more than you know. I'm willing to give it a try."

Oz stared at his outstretched hand. "You don't deserve another shot at her, but okay. For Willow."

Willow hugged them both happily. Ignoring the thrill of the contact, she took both their hands. "Thank you."

Xander broke out of her embrace first. "You guys need to talk. I'm gonna go home and get some sleep."

Oz's gaze was still distrustful, but he smiled. "Thanks for what you said."

"I want her to be happy. Whatever it takes."

*****  
Xander sat in his room, wondering at the past six months of his life. Admitting his feelings to himself and an admittedly unconscious Willow, slaying, Buffy coming home, Angel, Willow…again. He tried not to think of Cordelia, Willow's words of not knowing how much you could hurt someone coming back to him.

The phone rang, startling him out of his reverie. "Yeah?"

" Hey."

"How'd the Oz talk go?"

"I think we'll be okay now."

"Good."

"Thank you for what you did."

"You're worth it."

There was silence for a moment. "Are you really that scared that I'll leave you?"

"Ever since you were in the hospital…this recent thing aside Willow, you're the most important person in my life. Not that I wouldn't fully support you no matter what, but selfishly here, you leave me, I'm a goner."

"And not melodramatic at all."

"We're like a team. Like Laverne and Shirley."

"Did they ever make out?"

"You're stealin' my kind of lines here, Will."

"Sorry. Starsky and Hutch?"

"Abbott and Costello?"

"Laurel and Hardy?"

"Lucy and Ethel?"

"Sonny and Cher?"

"Wallace and Gromit?"

"Bestiality, huh Will? Guess that why you like Oz?"

"Xander!" She giggled in spite of herself. "You're terrible."

"Isn't that why you love me?" He tone was light, teasing. But the question was no less important for it.

She nodded, knowing that even though he couldn't see her, he'd get the message. "One of the reasons."

His heart felt light for the first time since Buffy had disappeared. "Internet demons and werewolves aside Will, you've got great taste in men."

"Not that you're biased at all."

He replied in a typically smart-alec manner, basking in the glow of her laughter. Maybe things would work out for them after all. And if not, he still had her friendship. And friendship with Willow, was no small thing.


End file.
